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How To Find True Love (it’s not what you think)

I am a complete romantic. 100% sap. I love love. I love seeing the look in a girls eyes when she looks at the guy she loves. Or the tenderness in a mans touch as he caresses his lady. The chemistry you can feel in the air watching a couple in love.

But lately, I’m starting to become a bit of a cynic. Not in a bad way… at least I don’t think so. Admittedly, I have had some questions laced with sentiments I hope aren’t true… like does true love even exist? It seems to be there is always a loved and a lover. I wonder if there is even such a thing as a love where two people are truly, passionately in love with each other.

Maybe. Maybe not. I’m the girl with no answers. But I still believe in love, whatever its form.

However, I think we put too much stock in it. There are a plethora of songs and movies about losing our identity if we lose our love.   As if we can’t live without a certain person in our lives.

Love yourself

It’s important, first and foremost, to love yourself.   The thing is, loving yourself doesn’t come by focusing on yourself at all – but by loving life. Exploring interests. Discovering and pursuing passions.

how to find love

Love life

The more vibrant your own life is, the happier you will be. With or without a lover.   You become fulfilled in your own interests and passions, achievements and experiences. Along this journey, you meet wonderful and fascinating people.

Meet a variety of people

It is important to get to know a variety of people. One person may seem like the most amazing creature on the planet, but may not treat you as you deserve to be treated. The thing is, if this is all you know, you don’t even realize you are cutting yourself short. As you continue on your journey of life and exploration, you meet more fascinating, interesting people. You start to fit the pieces together. To recognize which characteristics resonate most with you as a person. What is truly important. And how you deserve to be treated.

This is true across cultures.  People from different countries treat relationships differently, and it’s nice to experience the differences.

Independence is sexy

Independence is attractive. It is not only beneficial for you as a person to be confident in your own skin and happy with your own life, it is a beautiful characteristic. I am attracted to men who don’t need me – of course I want to be loved and feel needed – but also know that they are strong, happy and vibrant in and of themselves, with or without any woman.   I was speaking with a man recently who said the same thing about women. I think it must be universally attractive – so why are we so scared of becoming that person? Why do we feel we need another person to affirm us?

Off the top of my head I can think of only one couple I know who seem to have a really beautiful and healthy relationship. They are clearly mad about each other, but they each have their own interests, their own lives. Some overlap. Some don’t.   They support each other in pursuing their own individual interests. Encouraging each other to reach higher heights and live their best lives. Some moments are shared, some are not, but all in all they are in it together.

So, here’s to love – loving life, people, experiences, discovering new things and kindling new loves! Here’s to you!

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by

A Canadian girl, living in Cork, Ireland. I believe life is to be lived, and lived fully.

7 Comments

  1. more of a cynic here… Though at the same time I like the idea of love…I used to love love…but tend to agree, does that love that we all dream of really exist? More so than not I’ve seen what we call love is not really love…it’s just romanticism for a while until that runs out then it’s onto the next romantic fling. Down day…maybe my other personality will come out to play tomorrow and have a better outlook on life. Ha! 🙂

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    • I hope it exists. But if not, let’s live our very best lives and find happiness in ourselves and the things and people we do love. We all have down days… I hope all your tomorrows are better than you’ve ever known ❤

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  2. Oh- this thing called love. What is it after all? It seems that there are multiple experiences of loving based upon the state of consciousness in which we reside. We can probably divide them into two categories: personal and transpersonal love. Personal love would be romance, chemistry, and all forms of attraction. These are all based in duality- in the divide between me and you, self and other.

    Then there is transpersonal love. It has no subject and no object, no me and you, no self and other. It is simply love. It might be a natural energy that is always present, that deep relaxation (the opposite of defensiveness and tension) and trust allow to flow through us more freely.

    Relationships bound by the personal are subject to ups and downs, beginnings and endings. They are temporary. They come and go, even if they just happen to last a lifetime. Relationships that are transpersonal are centered on something impermanent, on love itself, and thus they can fluctuate in intensity based upon personal factors coming and going, yet the baseline is so solid, so impenetrable, that they are forever in a sense that is beyond this lifetime, even beyond two people.

    Thus, I would argue that the modern crisis of love is actually a crisis of consciousness. Coming to the here and now, relaxing into existence, and opening to life all correspond with our consciousness to take us on a journey away from our small sense of personal self to a broader sense of an impersonal, divine, eternal sense of being. There love flows like a never-ending fountain- there is never any scarcity of it or lack of people to share it with.

    I find independence to be sexy in the personal sense- however that has very little to do with the transpersonal love that I value. I find openness to be sexy in a transpersonal sense. Not unimpeded verbal sharing or throwing one’s energy around- not a flamboyant, personal openness. But, an openness of heart and spirit. An openness that comes from the deep receptivity that you aren’t even that image that you call your “self”, which you hold as the center of the world. This leads to a grace in how one lives. The less attached we become to our little self image/story, the more we receive life as it is, and the more become a conduit for life’s natural energies to move through us- which includes love energy. Then it is no longer independence, rather it is the realization of inter-dependence with existence.

    Now removing the whole human, personal sexual love thing… We are naturally attracted to the open. We are attracted to dogs, not lizards. That is what makes children so attractive- we are in awe of their openness. Not necessarily a transpersonal openness, but openness nonetheless. We see their receptive beacons and it turns us on. We giggle with them as they explore the world. Same applies to our connection with flowers- the plants moment to feel safe enough to open itself to the world. That is why the tropics is so sexy. It feels like life is constantly opening all around us. And that is seductive!

    Well, I better stop now or I’ll go on for forever. I love thinking about this stuff as I see that collectively we are just doing the whole living thing in a way that misses the mark and overlooks our potential.

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    • Ah, Ken, forever introducing me to new lines of thinking! You do know I will be harassing you about this on our next skype call? 😉

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      • After writing that all I realized that there is easier terminology- conditional vs unconditional love. When love is condition you are f*%ked if you are depending upon it. When it is unconditional, you can trust it will always be there. If you don’t trust your partner’s love as strongly as you’d expect your kids to trust your love, then you’ve don’t really have a partner- you just have a temporary sidekick.

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