We are three weeks into January, so perhaps a little late to be saying Happy New Year, but I’ve been all go lately and feel like I’m just settling in to the new year and all it has in store.
I know a lot of people are sick of resolutions, because realistically, every day is a chance to start over and live the life you want. I love that too – but there’s always something about starting a new year that makes me contemplative.
I was lucky enough to go home for Christmas and New Years. I just really love being home, especially with my brother and sister-in-law… they are family but also two of my closest friends. I would absolutely love to have them as part of my day to day life, but nonetheless, just being home and with family was so refreshing! We spent a week with my Dad and were with him for Christmas. His health has been bad lately, and seems to be getting worse. So I really loved having the opportunity to be with him for Christmas and to see him so happy, surrounded by his Grandchildren. Then we set off for my brother’s house – we had six kids in the house and three adults, so you’d think it would be mayhem, but everybody was just really happy and it was so relaxing and rejuvenating. I feel like it was the very best way to start 2019!
However, I ate a lot of food and drank a lot of wine, so was scared to step on the scale when I returned home. I gained a few pounds but felt like I doubled my size… which motivated me to start eating healthy. I’m only a few weeks in, but I’ve been cooking more and experimenting more with food – lots of veggies and proteins – and have eaten literally no sugar (except whatever sugar is in wine, as I love wine too much to give it up!) It hasn’t been hard as I was expecting it to be, I’m enjoying it too much and feel really good. Plus, when something special is on, I feel no guilt in splurging! I haven’t been to the gym, but do aim to prioritise that. I have been doing yoga in my house but it’s not the same… however, I like having goals. I used to be such a gym bunny and I’d really like to get back to that place. I just need to prioritise it as my life is very full!
Another goal is to write more. I posted a short while ago that ‘I’m back’ and am conscious that I haven’t written publicly at all. However, not a day has gone by where I haven’t spent time writing. Writing, knowing no other eyes will ever see what I write, is so therapeutic for me. It helps me to see things in a new light. I understand things through writing, and feel empowered. It gives me a new perspective. Something happened in my life recently where I lost my center, lost my sense of self for a short while – I became more emotional and reactive, I felt hvulnerable and my confidence took a hit. I didn’t respond gracefully and I didn’t like it. But life is funny – just like gaining that weight in Canada motivated me to eat better than I have in ages (I’ve always eaten pretty healthfully but have a terrible sweet tooth), losing my center helped me to focus – and find it. It made me conscious – and drove me to be better.
My business is going really well – I genuinely love what I do, I love every client that I have and feel very passionate about my work. I have worked really hard the past six years especially to rebuild my career – I had stayed home with my kids for about 7 years before I separated. It wasn’t easy, but it has been rewarding. I can honestly say every step of it has been rewarding and I have had some amazing opportunities and experiences. But now, I feel like I’m in my niche. There are times where I wonder how to balance everything, and feel inadequate to do so, but overall, I genuinely love what I do and can’t be more thankful for the opportunity to do what I love, work on exciting projects, and have flexibility in my schedule.
I’ve needed that flexibility lately, so the timing has done well. My son has been going through a difficult time. He’s missing a part of his brain… we’ve known this since I was pregnant. When I was pregnant, they thought he had a condition which was incompatible with life. I remember back then, questioning if I would have the strength to deliver a baby who wouldn’t live but a few hours. I remember holding him as a newborn, his face so incredibly perfect, and whispering ‘Please live – don’t leave me’. And he did – he lived and thrived and grew and was totally asymptomatic most of his life. For this reason, we didn’t even tell him he was missing part of his brain. I didn’t want him to feel like he couldn’t do anything. But over the past few years, some symptoms have manifested, and recently, they’ve been a bit debilitating. To be fair, of all the cases I have heard of, he is the most high functioning. But his struggles lately have been very real, and I have had no clue how to give him real help. This has left me feeling very powerless, as I have begged for help and knocked on every possible door I could find in regards to getting support. His condition is incredibly rare. I read somewhere there are between 2 – 5 cases in Ireland. His Dad has taken some time the last couple of weeks to work with him, and my son has responded very well. It’s hard for me not to be able to offer the same, however, I am incredibly thankful he is responding well to his Dad and starting to turn a corner. He’s such a great kid. He can be so manly and so witty sometimes, and other times, struggle so much. I guess that could sum up puberty in general! But seriously, finding help for such an unknown condition – and not knowing what to do myself – has been hard. The silver lining is that it has helped my ex and I to co-parent in a stronger way, and I credit him that he has stepped up to the plate the last few weeks as I genuinely was at a loss.
On a personal level, I got a new car! The perfect combination of cute and practical. I’ve taken a break from dating for a couple of months – this may sound like a simple decision but I have to say, I feel that it is really empowering and freeing and exactly what I need at this stage in life. Perhaps a bit of an oxymoron, as I genuinely would like to find someone with whom I share a magic connection to have something real. But at this particular stage in my life, I’m relishing in my singlehood and focusing on me. (Well, my kids, my career and me 😉 ) I’m reading more – I’ve always loved reading but have let it slip the past couple of months. I’m traveling more – both with work and for pleasure. Traveling is one of my favourite things in life! I just love new experiences and adventures, trying new things and going new places. I’m enjoying my friends. Overall, I feel incredibly happy with my life and believe 2019 is going to be a fantastic year!
Despite all the challenges life may throw, I hope all of you feel your strongest, happiest, most fulfilled selves!