I am reading a book by Carl Jung at the moment, ‘Modern Man in search of a soul’. The book has impacted me, and caused me to read about Carl Jung.  One person wrote that the most common complaint his patients brought him is ‘I am stuck’ – mind you, this was in the time of the Great Depression, when people had big families and lost their work.  Stresses were real. Jung’s answer to getting out of this place of feeling stuck was to ‘play like a child’   This stirred something in me.  I have had a very difficult few months, battling severe depression and darkness that I didn’t know existed.  It has felt like my personality has been broken, or stolen. Like my soul was taken from my body and I was left with this shell.  This hermit-like subsistence that is so far from the ‘me’ I know. However, the happy moments I have had have all been when I was with my children – goofing around, playing, singing, dancing – or on …

I had what I consider a life changing experience.  It was not fun and it was very scary.  But there’s always something about the difficult seasons in life that changes you for good. I got a concussion. This girl accidentally knocked me backwards off a platform – I fell straight back onto my head and cracked it open.  The days that followed were the scariest days of my life.  The first day I knew I wasn’t myself.  I felt confused.  Things that are commonplace to me were difficult and took far, far longer than normal.  The next day my speech was affected.  I wasn’t able to speak properly, and when I did speak, I would forget words or use words incorrectly.  I forgot some major things in my life, things about my kids which surprised and horrified me. Talking exhausted me – to the point my body would shut down and I’d need to sleep. It was like being teleported into the mind of a 95 year old. I was sent to the hospital twice. …

We are three weeks into January, so perhaps a little late to be saying Happy New Year, but I’ve been all go lately and feel like I’m just settling in to the new year and all it has in store. I know a lot of people are sick of resolutions, because realistically, every day is a chance to start over and live the life you want.  I love that too – but there’s always something about starting a new year that makes me contemplative. I was lucky enough to go home for Christmas and New Years.  I just really love being home, especially with my brother and sister-in-law… they are family but also two of my closest friends.  I would absolutely love to have them as part of my day to day life, but nonetheless, just being home and with family was so refreshing!  We spent a week with my Dad and were with him for Christmas.  His health has been bad lately, and seems to be getting worse.  So I really loved having the …

It’s been a long time since I have written on here.  In fact, I pretty much forgot about this blog until a few months ago when someone mentioned it to me and asked why I stopped writing. This blog was therapeutic for me in my first years after my separation.  I was intentionally taking action to be the person I wanted to be, to live the life I wanted to live.  I wrote openly – both in this blog, and even more so privately.  I’ve had people tell me this blog reads like a journal.  Perhaps I am too open.  But this is who I am, and this is who I want to be! Life can harden you.  I’ve felt this within myself lately – it sometimes feel like the only way to get ahead is to emotionally detach yourself. And that very well may be true.  But I don’t want to.  I want to be soft.  I want to be real.  I want to hope.  I want to believe in the good.  Even if …

Ever have days where you feel like you just can’t make it?  You have dreams and goals, but they just seem out of reach?  Ever want to be a better version of yourself than how you currently feel? Let me tell you about the African Cychlid Fish. There are two varieties of the male species, the T and NT fish.  The T fish is an alpha male sort, he is bright blue or yellow with striking black bands near his eyes.  He is well endowed, attractive to the female fish and dominates his territory with pride.   The NT fish, in contrast, is a dowdy grey, very similar to the female.  He is infertile with shrunken testes, and hides lurking in the shadows. The amazing thing is that NT fish have been known to become T fish.  It isn’t a caterpillar/butterfly thing, it’s not a stage or right of passage. However, it’s possible.  This often happens when an NT fish takes the territory that was previously dominated by a T fish, for whatever reason.  The …